


Benis

by HeroismInACan



Category: Final Fantasy IX
Genre: Comedy, Friendship, Gen, Graffiti, Humor, Tantalus, Vandalism, Vivi can't spell apparently, Zidane wants some context but gets none, benis, body art, fun times with Blank, made up sections of the Theater District, misspellings, spray chalk, you don't spell penis with a b
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 07:40:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17076152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeroismInACan/pseuds/HeroismInACan
Summary: Vivi gets asked if he wants to do something fun. Blank didn't expect such a great outcome. - Comedy fic involving spray chalk, vandalism, and lewd drawings.





	Benis

“You wanna do something fun, Vivi?”

The mage blinked, wide yellow eyes staring up at the redheaded male who wore very little clothing. The strange scars along his body and face, although still causing intrigue as to their origins, had stopped being a surprise to Vivi ages ago, but the man’s lack of proper covering always remained the _real_ mystery. “Sure?”

“Sweet.” Blank’s face lit up in a small grin, and he motioned for the shorter male to follow him from the hideout in the theater district of Lindblum.

Vivi should have been nervous, a smile like that from most of the people he kept for company would have been enough to make him sweat, but he was simply happy to be included in something.

Besides, the mage was rather fond of the other male. Blank cared for him back when they were strangers and saved Vivi’s life after being infected by a man-eating plant that had tried to devour him. He never did like how Blank sacrificed himself and was petrified with the rest of the forest, but the thief was back now and that’s what mattered. Vivi strived to spend as much time with the other male as possible, with most of Tantalus, really, until he was onto the next adventure with Zidane and company.

Scrambling to his feet, Vivi followed the other out of the hideout and around the corner heading toward the namesake of the district—the theater. The bag slung over the taller male’s shoulder did not go unnoticed, but instead of questioning it, he asked something else. “What are we gonna do?” Fun was mentioned, but that could differ between people. He wondered what Blank’s idea of fun was.

The redhead hummed, readjusting the bag to make it sit more comfortably and smiling again at his company. “You’ll see.”

Vivi quieted, the soft padding of their footsteps on the stone pathways filling the silence until they stood before the long hallway leading down to the theater, but they didn’t turn down it. Blank led them along the side of the building instead and down an easily missed path that curved around the shape of the structure and led downward. They came to what appeared to be a courtyard long since forgotten. Weeds sprouted from between cracked stone, a dried up old fountain sat in the middle, and stone benches sat crumbled and broken, unable to be sat upon.

“I didn’t know this was even here.” The mage commented, walking around the fountain and taking in the small, dilapidated space with a sense of awe. There was something beautiful about it despite how wrecked it was.

“Not many do.” Blank watched briefly before cozying up to the wall of the building and gently placing his bag down beside it.

It was then Vivi felt it was time to ask the question he should have vocalized earlier. “What’s in the bag?”

The expression the mage got in return made the smaller male visibly shrink in on himself, but that didn’t deter the thief from continuing with his apparent excitement. “Spray paint! Er, well, spray _chalk_.” Narrow shoulders shrugged.

“Spray chalk?” Vivi parroted.

“Yup!”

“We’re . . . gonna vandalize the theater? With chalk?”

“No _._ We’re gonna _decorate_ it. With chalk.” Blank spread his arms wide, the grin on his face matching the movement. “And, well, if we wanna draw a lewd picture or two it won’t hurt anybody. No one even sees this area.” He paused. “Well, not _many_ do. All of Tantalus knows about it. Sorta a secret hangout for some of us. Don’t tell the boss though.”

“Your secrets are safe with me, Blank.” The little mage stepped closer to the other, blinking when he was handed a white can with a blue lid. “I’ve never used one of these before.”

“You’re about to learn, my friend!” The redhead shook his own can, a red one, for a moment before he popped the cap off and showed it to the other. “You see the nozzle here? Make sure it’s pointing _away_ from you. Don’t want to get it on you or your clothes, washable or not.” He twisted so it pointed outward, putting his finger on top. “Now you just press down and hold. Simple as that.”

“O-okay.” Vivi shook his can for a moment before he did the same as the other and took the cap off. He made sure the nozzle faced the right direction before inching closer to the wall, but a moment of doubt seized him. Fearful, golden eyes stared upward at his company. “Are we supposed to be doing this, Blank?”

“Are we ever supposed to be doing anything? But nope, we aren’t. Who’s gonna stop us though?” The redhead crouched down, drawing a long arc with his red paint and not sharing the same worries as his companion.

Vivi watched with wide eyes before he looked down at his own can with an apprehensive feeling churning in his gut. He was having more doubts, but he also wanted to be included in something no matter how stupid of an idea it might be. He just hoped they wouldn’t get in trouble. If someone came down here and caught them, the only way out would be blocked, leaving the remaining option hopping over the banister on the opposite side of the wall. However, that means of escape plummeted too far to make a safe falling distance. Vivi’s stomach twisted just thinking about it.

“Hey,” the other’s voice pulled the black mage from his spiraling thoughts. “If it makes you feel any better? One good rain and all our hard work here will be washed away like it never happened. And then we can come back and do it all over again. The magic of chalk.” The thief snickered, giving Vivi a playful punch on the arm before focusing on the random lines he was doing.

That extra information _did_ make the mage feel a little better, at least the drawings would come off, because he didn’t think he could do it if it was permanent.

Without allowing himself any extra time to doubt and convince himself otherwise, he started to paint on the wall too. He didn’t know what he was doing though, not sure what to draw, so he started with a random assortment of stars and circles, making sure he kept a good grip on the can in case it slipped.

He stopped after a moment, eyeing his handiwork with a smile before glancing at his companion. What his eyes met with stunned him into momentary silence.

When he found his voice, it sounded as small as he felt. “Blank?”

“Mhm?” The redhead didn’t bother lifting his head, staying focused on his work.

“What, uhm, what are you drawing?”

Blank stopped, putting his can down and looking at the image he had drawn, then toward the mage. “Looks like a dick to me.”

Vivi blinked rapidly from the blunt statement. When he spoke again, his voice barely managed not to squeak. “W-why would you draw _that_?”

“Why _wouldn’t_ I draw that?” He laughed, shrugging. “It’s fun. Just let loose and draw what you want. Dicks or no dicks.” He stood, looking at the blue shapes the smaller male had done and smiling fondly. “You’re good at this. I should bring you more often.”

That bit of praise made Vivi’s heart swell, and he found himself happy to be there despite the blushing still caused from the other’s inappropriate choice of subject matter.

A thought hit him.

He never did anything so . . . scandalous. The worst thing he’d done was sneak into the play that one time with Puck, which is how he ended up on this crazy adventure and even met Blank and the rest of the crew in the first place. Unless setting the princess of Alexandria on fire counted as a scandal? Which, again, only happened because he snuck in to see the play. If he hadn’t been given a fake ticket though, would it have all played out the same? He couldn’t know.

Either way, the urge to do something out of the norm was strong. He didn’t think he could draw genitalia like his friend had, but maybe he could do something else along the same lines?

This time an idea struck him.

As Blank resumed his work, which apparently consisted of covering the wall in different sized penises, much to Vivi’s dismay, the mage set to do something daring of his own.

Again, before he could talk himself out of anything, he began on his one bold act.

With spray can in hand, Vivi stretched upward and held the nozzle down, sweeping it in looped arcs as he began to ‘paint’ a word on the wall. When he was done, he took a step back to stare at his handiwork, but when he heard a loud, sputtering laugh to his side, his cheeks colored, and he blinked toward his half-clothed companion.

“Vivi, man, what the _hell_ were you trying to spell?” Again, the taller of the two started laughing, bending over and resting his hands on his knees to brace himself as his chest heaved.

“I-I mean, I was trying to spell—”

“Penis?”

“Yeah. . .”

“But you spelled _benis_.”

“I did?” Yellow eyes flashed toward the wall, noticing his spelling error and cringing. He hoped it would immediately rain to wash away his mistake, though it wouldn’t wash away the damage already done.

“Oh, god, Vivi, this is fantastic. I’m glad I brought you along.” Blank shifted some. “I gotta ask though, how did you misspell that? Just sound it out. At least then you woulda ended up with an extra ‘e’ or something.”

The mage fidgeted, unsure of how to answer because he didn’t rightly know. A hand clamping down on his shoulder shook him from his thoughts yet again, and Blank’s smiling face peered down at him.

“It’s all good. It happens. Either way we got a good story from this, and I _love_ the misspelling. Makes it even better and will keep people questioning. We’ll have to drag Marcus and Cinna down here and see what they think of our masterpiece.”

“They won’t make fun of me, will they?”

An arm slung itself around skinny shoulders as Blank kept that grin in place. “Hell no. This is fabulous, Vivi. We’ll tease a little, but we mean it with the utmost amount of love. You’re one of us, remember?”

At that, Vivi seemed to perk up, pleased to hear he was included in the rest of the gang. “This was a lot of fun, Blank. Thanks for inviting me.”

“Anytime. It’s nice to have you around, and we gotta snatch you up while we can before Zidane takes you to the other side of the world again. Or to another world entirely.”

Vivi snorted. “With my track record of that, you have maybe another day before I get stolen on another adventure.”

“Well then, we’ll just have to jampack the rest of today and tomorrow with a shit ton of activities, so we can at least say we saw you before you disappear for weeks. It’s a shame Ruby isn’t here though. She’d love to spend a bit of time you too.”

“That’s right! She stayed back in Alexandria, didn’t she? With her own little theater company?”

“Yup. She’s still there too. Doing well from what I hear.”

“I’m glad.” The mage grinned, blinking when the arm around him disappeared and Blank knelt in front of his bag of chalk. Vivi shifted on his feet, bouncing from one to the other. “Are we painting some more?”

“You want to?” Blank looked up at him.

“Yeah!”

This time he found himself holding a green can, Blank armed with a black one, and the two boys set to work adding to their masterpiece on the side of the theater in the crumbling courtyard, smiles on both their faces.

 

OOO

 

“Uh, Blank?” Blue eyes blinked, eyeing his friend as the partially-clothed male entered the hideout. Vivi trailed in behind him, both males unusually quiet and lacking any bounce to their steps.

Normally, Zidane wouldn’t have said a thing, but seeing the redhead enter the building covered in what appeared to be genitalia drawn in chalk all over the exposed parts of his body caused some questions to form.

“Vivi did it,” was the only response, armed with a point to his side where the black mage stood sheepishly.

Zidane rolled his eyes and shook his head, crossing his arms. “And you guys wonder why I left Tantalus.”

“You only left because you don’t have to _draw_ dicks anymore. You found a home for yours.”

“I—” The monkey-tailed male blinked, lacking a coherent response for that statement from his friend. After a moment, his gaze narrowed. “What does that have to do with anything?”

The redhead shrugged, offering a smile.

Zidane and Vivi locked gazes, which caused the shorter of the two to fidget.

“Don’t ask.” Was the soft response from the mage. “The situation quickly got out of control and this was the result.”

“Why aren’t _you_ covered in dicks too?” Zidane’s brows furrowed, trying to connect the dots of a story he had no information for.

But all Vivi did was shake his head, walking further into the room and sitting down on the bottom bunk of the bed in one of the corners.

Blank sidled up to Zidane, leaning in with a casual expression. “For being short and clumsy, he sure is quick.”

Vivi hopped back onto his feet, cheeks gaining color. “H-hey! I’m not clumsy!”

“Sure. Right. You’re not clumsy,” Blank rolled his eyes at the mage, a smirk appearing on his face before he patted the blond on the shoulder. “Vivi’s fun to hang with.” He then disappeared into a different room to get himself cleaned up, leaving a blushing Vivi and a confused Zidane in his wake.

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of this came to be because of an old friend. I was hurting for some ideas and they gave me several good ones.
> 
> I can easily imagine Blank and Vivi being good friends though, so going on an adventure such as this one doesn't seem so far-fetched in my mind. 
> 
> The ending bit was going to be a second chapter, but I decided to tack it on to the end instead since I didn't have enough content to make it a proper chapter.


End file.
